Things are very, very real now.
My feet seem to be in a constant state of pain, I have muscular aches and pains (possible slight pull in the calf muscle), I hate the site of Lucozade orange and I miss doughnuts more than I can explain.
I've been really down about the marathon for a couple of weeks. 26 miles is a long, long way and a distance that deep down, I wonder if I can make. When I pull on my running shoes and leave to run I feel under constant pressure . I go out early mornings for a run because I'm terrified of seeing someone I know because in my mind, I think people are judging me or will see how totally shit I am at running. I see other people posting about their runs and how well it's all going and it has a tremendous negative effect because my progress isn't anywhere near any of that.
At night my mind has become plagued with anxiety dreams about the marathon and I mean literally every night. This has, in many ways, been a very lonely experience. I run alone, I eat my own diet alone and when people are clearly doing better than me it makes me feel incredibly low. Every time I try to run I'm picking myself up.
Then there is the fear (in my mind) I might die or become seriously ill. It started as a joke but it plays on the mind and the fear inside me is very, very real.
Bring me Thanos
A few people have offered to support me on the day and whilst the offers are extremely nice, I'm not entirely sure I want people to see me running, or struggling. Plus i don't want it to be a waste of their day - especially if it takes me seven hours (very real possibility), plus people in fancy dressed as giant chickens, flying past me isn't a good look. (you're allowed to laugh at that one, there needs to be some humour somewhere.)
This is the truth about what goes through my mind. It might not make the best reading but truth rarely does. Anyway......
The Important Bit
However, on the bright side, I am raising money for a really good cause and this keeps me going. It's the one thing about this whole thing which makes me smile because I know that every pound I raise makes a difference.
My visit to Young Minds was an enlightening experience. The work that they do means so much to so many. Young Minds aims to help parents and guardians who need support with a child who is going through a really hard time. They're a wonderful group of people who rely on a lot of volunteer support and your sponsorship will make the world of difference. Here's a little video showing how they can help people
With your support, they could help so, so many more people.
I know this hasn't been an extremely cheery blog post but it's the absolute truth. This shit is hard, I regret deciding to do this and it's a really lonely place to be. Which is why...........
the sponsorship pleadings.
!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE SPONSOR ME!!!!!!!!!!
Like seriously PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
!!!!!!PLEASE BUY RAFFLE TICKETS!!!!!!
I have lots of prizes (mostly booze prizes) but some good stuff too and they're all listed in the last blog. People who have already sponsored me will be send some numbers at some point (apart from the anonymous donation who I still don't know who it is (please tell me so I can thank you)
Current Mood: Nope 💀💀💀💀
